Okay so I said I wouldn’t post again until the New Year, but I feel I need to write this out, and get it out there into the universe to get it off my chest.
You may not know this, but tomorrow would have been our due date for peanut. It was an amazing thing to hear because it was also the wedding anniversary for Jason’s mom and step dad. What a day tomorrow would have been, something truly made by GOD. As I feel grateful for the love surrounding me now by friends and family, I feel as though I am suffocating in silence. As I was told this week when I mentioned we are anxiously waiting for kiddo number two, I was told “you haven’t had one yet.”
That hurt. ALOT. I understand what the comment meant, but it stabbed me in the heart to know probably everyone else thinks we haven’t been parents yet. I was a mommy and Jason was a daddy for 8 weeks. I know that’s not a long time and some people don’t even consider that a life yet, but we do.
So here it is almost the New Year, and I am still struggling. Happy faces work, most of the time. I know it’s a time to be grateful and full of love, but a piece of me is broken. When will it stop? I wish I knew. I wish it was something that I didn’t have to “get off my chest” all the time. But I will keep writing, crying, and praying until I can feel at peace.
I am trying to get over it. Quite honestly I don’t know how. All the advice hasn’t helped. If you know something I don’t, please share.