I love hummus. That’s really quite an understatement. I LIVE for hummus. Yep, those tiny little chickpeas smashed up with olive oil and seasoning are just about the greatest invention since sliced bread :-). When I find myself in a bad mood, and I need to munch, hummus is my go-to food of choice. That’s probably why I am so interested in becoming a registered dietitian. I use food to comfort myself. I can remember when my first boyfriend broke up with me, and my friend bringing me over a tub of ice cream to console me. Fast forward to this year, and I stuffed myself with comfort food after my miscarriage. It’s what I do, and it makes me feel better. That’s what a lot of people do….and I want to help. Myself included.
Why do we do this to ourselves? As a student, I am still learning the psychological reasoning behind comfort eating, binge eating, and just eating for no other reason than to just eat. So as a pre-professional, I can’t give much insight on it yet. On a personal level, I think I have an opinion that is worth sharing.
I eat comforting food because for me, I generally don’t want to talk about my feelings. I wasn’t raised that way. I have learned for years to internalize and hold back. There’s no judgement in that, but in that course of personal behavior learning, it has severely crippled me on what I share and who I share it with. As I sit here now, I have been munching on some hummus and pita chips (after a few days of being down in the dumps and not being able to bring myself to a happy place). Hummus doesn’t talk back, it doesn’t judge, it doesn’t yell. It warms my belly, makes me feel better. That’s what a lot of food does for me, and I think that’s what it does for a lot of people. We know we shouldn’t eat bad things, or eat so much, but when it feels so good…..you just can’t stop.
What I am trying to learn, is how to comfort myself without running to the fridge. It’s a work in progress, but I am beginning to recognize how often I turn to food to make myself feel better. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not always a terrible thing to munch to help you get in a better mood or state of mind, but doing it all the time and using it as a crutch will not make anything better in the long run. I’ve got to start talking, writing, venting. This blog is a great start. I feel a little better already just getting it out on here. Even if no one reads it, I put pen to paper so to speak, put it out there for the universe to have.
So dear hummus, I love you, I can’t hate you….but I can’t always turn to you. But I can take solace in knowing you’ll always be there for me when I need you ;-).